with 23 Enough is Enough

I know these days september is unusally bullying me in it's own ways but today am feeling a special type of freedom. Freedom, that I got by stopping,worrying about my ' future and its plans "

Why ?? is that a real great thing to do ????? Auh ! so you so much stressed that you stop planning for future, is it ?? I knw, i knw .......that are all the crap you gonna ask me after reading these lines.From Today 0ooooom--Mark It---- ooooo...from today I am going to stop all my future plans bring a big dustbin and throw it out!!!

From many days I am realizing that whatever I plan is just a failure-- when reality comes to me -- I say -- Oh Boss ! Yeh Sab toh mere plan mein tha hi nahi --!!

• 23 years now....I am .... and at this stage i should have been an MBAiite or MAiite or MEMiite from a good institution working with some good banner in other big cities ....Now look at me !! Am still a non-iite of any, that I just mentioned above. Where the hell are my plannings??
  
• At the age of 23 i should have been on to platform from where I could have seen how students miss there homely food, how they live alone , how does a BIG :-o city works, But look at me where I am ?? Hell yaar , where are my plannings.
  
• I thought of a wonderful winter this year, full of loads of excitement. All dumped and thrown. Where the hell, has my planning gone ??

All into dirt naa ! and now, look at me ! oo ! where I am writing a Blog on a lappy with the thoughts that all what I planned went into Dirt, shit, crap and dustbin.....How am I left ...a half killed person...too many dreams too much excitement but...nothings helping me out ....except the right time, for which, I have been waiting !!!! And this Lovely God ! is giving me some or the other lollies to feed and keep the crying baby silent for a while ! But , God , Oh Hello ! Baby needs the feed again :(......

Well today I realized , I know, all what I dreamt of, is not going to be true for next 5 6 years !! coz the things i have been dreaming of, is not a joke. It needs a lot of experience and research to even initiate such thought in order to build up a gigantic, panomaric view of it . Why can't I be a happier person? Why am I burning myself into Js and Rs itna much ki I am forgetting I am too young to do all this. Even every filmmaker cannot win an oscar at 23 and every scientist cannot win a noble at the age of 23. Lawrence Bragg, the youngest noble prize winner was 25 when he won it and that too with his father's association. Then today I DECIDED and I VOWED myself that from today, I am just going to live my Today's life. Enough is enough, I am not going to think what is going to happen in future and thats why today I came back home with all freshness after sitting at ghats for so much time i knew that When I will return back home, I will be a different , does not have to take tension about GRE, I will not search any good SOP or LOR today. I will not respond to my teacher's Tangent question for I have already told her I am not taking up the test. Will that prove me a less ambitious girl. No, not at all. Because, I ll plan, I plan And I'll plan and at the end either they'll reject my application or I'll loose patience about doing anything of such kind. SO, how does that prove am ambitious. Well I have my home country to do a lot of things with lot of options. I'll go for that.

Another aspect is the shitty J that I am doing. I swear my self today. I will never think plan or even work for my WHAT MY FUTURE WILL BE !!!!! I dont have a sister to marry kinda burden.I dont have a family to run. I am earning and i have saved so many bucks that i can live without hunger strike for another one year ! So why should I come back home with a tension of studying, finding, involving talking and things that are not going to lead me anywhere??

Oh ! this lil bit of practicality has helped me a lot. I am feeling so out of stress that I dont have to take tension of anything thats coming within two months and take my nerves away. Wuff !! Still i believe wherever I will be, I will be good.

And the shitty J even i get thrown out I will not cry. Reason being, I have learnt to be calm in most odd situations of my life. I have learnt that whatever bad is happening to me will HAPPEN to me at any cost. May my best relation ditch me, may I get a big pimple on my face tommorow, May my weight again increase to 5 years back kinda weight. I will be calm. Because I've put in a lot of effort. Now is the time to just relax and watch what is going to happen. Things that happened to me right from 31 august till date has been a great learning experience.

N'b.coz I plan so much for my future is the reason I get so much of hurt everytime. I will stop doing injustice to mysel this very day. I'll come back home with no thoughts of HAVE TO DO list. Because with 23 enough is enough. I stop planning for future and live my today. Taaki kal main doobara mood ke peeche yeh naa kahun... yaar !!!! milna toh isse abhi thaa maine iske chakkar mein apne past ko kyun kharaab kiya !! Lets make a good past which we can rejoice in future and be ready cause anything worse that has to happen will happen to you at any cost and you will not be able to stop it !!!

cheers !!